I smell stomach acid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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