you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
