I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We had to coat check the pizza.
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not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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