Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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