how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
