he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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