We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
