thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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