i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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