sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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