why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
