Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
