if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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