I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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