Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
