Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
