and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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