update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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