I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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