2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
