He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
