Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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