You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
