Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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