i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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