just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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