I think I died a long time ago.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
