You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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