he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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