He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
