so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
