it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
