but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
