All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
