Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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