I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
