Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
