Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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