he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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