I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
