It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
