Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
be right there i have to get my cape
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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