What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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