I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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