Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
