Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize