she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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