that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
