Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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