i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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