The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
