There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he shaved USA in his pubs
sarcasm needs its own font
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
