i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
