so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
