just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
