What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl