two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious