I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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