my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?