I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
