I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize