so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
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OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
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he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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