Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.

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  (201): just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face. http://tfl.nu/tz6f
  Replies (7) Good night (2739) Bad night (613)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt

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  (503): you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt http://tfl.nu/y7uz
  Replies (34) Good night (4738) Bad night (1453)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks

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  (440): Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks http://tfl.nu/nonu
  Replies (21) Good night (7295) Bad night (1138)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.

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  (610): At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch. http://tfl.nu/wzxh
  Replies (12) Good night (1228) Bad night (5372)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.

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  (301): Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard. http://tfl.nu/kick
  Replies (9) Good night (4311) Bad night (1230)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.

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  (217): I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in. http://tfl.nu/j76d
  Replies (7) Good night (3605) Bad night (839)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.

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  (306): My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday. http://tfl.nu/tgen
  Replies (2) Good night (2185) Bad night (2184)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex

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  (716): He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex http://tfl.nu/jqzk
  Replies (5) Good night (2987) Bad night (1083)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.

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  (914): Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names. http://tfl.nu/zaoe
  Replies (4) Good night (2609) Bad night (646)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."

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  (605): You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times." http://tfl.nu/zubu
  Replies (6) Good night (2643) Bad night (811)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.

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  (512): Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food. http://tfl.nu/gt6w
  Replies (11) Good night (2884) Bad night (642)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?

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  (503): How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor? http://tfl.nu/eg7j
  Replies (6) Good night (1416) Bad night (1068)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.

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  (940): He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there. http://tfl.nu/awit
  Replies (3) Good night (1140) Bad night (569)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....

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  (860): A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home.... http://tfl.nu/sz76
  Replies (4) Good night (558) Bad night (393)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.

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  (304): You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him. http://tfl.nu/a4qu
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (234)

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