i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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