All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?