we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
