Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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