Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
