how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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