I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
