I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
