I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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