whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
