WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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