If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
