This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
